Sunday, October 20, 2013


Today I turned 59 years old.

If I were a regular worker  on the pay list of a company, I have one more year of employment before being ushered into the limbo of retirement.  I found out that in certain educational institutions, a professor can only retain his full-time status until the age of 60.  Not unless you are an educator earning the much revered status of a fellow can you be allowed to stay in the classroom to mentor students until you hit 65. 

Otherwise you can only work on a part time basis.  You can no longer ba regular employee with the privileges of a Full Time teacher.  Just when you reach that age when you need all the semblance of financial security for the inevitability of autumn leading to winter, you realize that you are sent out to the pasture to go fend for yourself and practice the Law of Survival.

Not unless you have a sense of foresight and accessed the experience and expertise of people handling your money, hitting the later part of your professional career may not only be described as difficult.  It is the hardest point of your professional life because people will make you feel that seniority is not marked with much deserved respect for years given to work. 

Instead, it is to confront the fact that no one is indispensable ... and your number of years of service really do not matter outside the computation of the retirement and separation pay. It is confronting the fact that this is the cycle of life --- and that all things must come to an end regardless of how good you are in your work or how much of your life you have invested in your profession.  It is the admission that your time is up and that you have to give way for the new generation to come in and take your place.

That is the biological cycle, right? We grow old, we physically deteriorate and die because we are no longer of any use in reproducing our species. The moment you stop being productive --- you are discarded, dispensed with ... and relegated to obliteration.

And it is not your fault because that is the way it is.  That is the way it has always been. That is life.

I am glad I am not caught in that rigid template where your usability is measured by your years of earthly existence.  

Yes, at 59 --- there are things I can no longer do as the time when I was 29.  But I do not think I would want to do the things I was doing at 29 even if had the power and energy to do that.  Years may diminish physical strength and stamina but this is replaced with something more important --- wisdom.

Yes, it is also true that in our teen all the way up to our 20s, we can sustain ourselves to as much as 48 hours without sleep, relying on the powers of adrenaline and Lepovitan.  But now that's over.  We work hard to keep ourselves healthy but do we really want to allow ourselves to be enslaved for 24 straight hours of work just to be able to afford Birkins and Jimmy Choos? Huwag na lang po.  

(I have long ago decided that a lot of hard work is meant to give you a good life and not to prepare for suites at Saint Luke's with the best view of The Fort.)

You cannot change the natural course of aging ... and, God knows, how many people try to reverse the process by injecting gallons of Botox on their faces ... only to look not young but embalmed. 

What is perhaps most unacceptable is the presumption that after a certain age, you are already no longer good for doing some things or anything.

Admittedly I can no longer regain the waistline I had when I was 19 or 29 (and, boy, my gym buddies can attest how hard I try with my leg raises, crunches and overdose of cardiovascular exercises), this does not mean that my brain cells have turned into a mucky substance with the consistency of baby food.  

Although repeated to the point of irritating redundancy, age is indeed nothing but a number ... but in life we are always judged by numbers. A man's worth or worthiness is calibrated by how much he has, how much he earns, how much more he can make ... and how old he is.  In a world unfortunately obsessed with youth, age is somewhat equated with a curse.  Growing "old" is like "living death" because your options become smaller and shorter and narrower and fewer as you add more candles to your cake.

Unfair it is indeed, but that is the way of a world that changes faster than it can be understood or perceived.  Therefore no one is surprised that the advancement of years is simplistically equated with deterioration ... and not with fermentation or even maturation.  To be young and new mean everything --- but the greater misfortune is that youth and newness carry a very, very short lifespan.

I have often heard or read comments hurled against me and people  my age of being "OLD" --- as if it were an insult to reach nearly six decades of life. 

The adjective "old" is spat out with contempt as if the only value we have on this plane of existence is to turn into a pot of organic fertilizer.  There seems to be such a contempt, a hatred ... a phobia for old people as if these creatures were abusing their earthy stay.  A peer once commented, "Respect for elders has long been diminished into a ritual of being polite but certainly not a practice that is felt."

After all, how many times have we heard the terms "old school" to describe the way things were done before --- and still being done today.

But there are two sides to all this. Indeed, you cannot be doing the same thing you have used to define your comfort zone for the past too many decades.  We must all evolve.  We cannot stagnate just because we assumed we have reached a certain level of competence or goodness ... if not complacency.  

The moment you stop growing and evolving, then you turn into a dinosaur and subject to the possibilities of extinction.

That is why I believe age is only a number.  Even if the years have affected by dexterity and that almost everyone around you complains about their BPs or their latest attack of the gout or that every gathering of old friends becomes a brainstorming of medical assistance where people catalog their latest ailments, the true essence of staying young is all in the mind.

Yeah, yeah, yeah: there is this thing about age appropriateness.

There must be that cut-off age when you can wear skinny or carrot jeans without looking stupid.  Or dyeing your hair apple green. Or wearing Doc Martens half-boots.  Or going around Bonifacio High Street with a hashtag of YOLO emblazoned on your forehead.  That all depends on how you want to define your world --- with or without the changes happening within it.

And when you really come to think of it --- if it involves your follicles being colored as if it had chlorophyll ... or wearing jeans to delude yourself that you can still move like Jagger ... why the hell not? It is, after all, your life ... your choice ... your groove. Right?  To hell what other people think. 

Yes, today I am 59 years old --- and, believe it or not, I have never felt better.  Because in more ways than one, I care for the things that require caring about and couldn't give a flying f--k about things that ... well, don't matter to me in the long run.

Last Friday I had a beautiful dinner with classmates from my college days --- and they are all. No, I stand corrected --- they are all very successful not because of the positions they have achieved in life but because they are happy with who they are and even happier with the families they have created. I look at them and see how far the journey has taken them ... how far the roads we have traveled have taken us.

I am 59 years old --- and I work out four to five times a week as I have reached that point in my life that I know how to differentiate what I want from what I need

I no longer want to kill myself just to be able to flaunt to the world that I was able to buy something in six or seven digits without selling my soul to the devil.  I have stopped killing myself at work because you reach that point when you realize that, honey, you can't take that with you.  I've stopped trying to kill myself to make other people rich ... and, worse, to show the world what a good life I have.  Isn't that not only ironic ... but downright stupid to sacrifice your life to prove that you have a fabulous existence?  I almost died doing that years ago ... and I said, nevermore.

Besides ... no one remembers you for how rich you are ... but rather what kind of a person you have become in trying to be the person you want others to see.  The most important person you must confront is the reflection you see in the mirror when you are alone at night and you ask yourself, "What am I doing here? What have I done? What is there left to do?"

I am 59 years old and I do not feel it because I can still wear skinny jeans and people don't see me as a fool. 

I can do three straight spinning classes which people half my age can't seem to endure (and I love watching those thirty year olds fall off the bikes with tongues dangling matched with lungs heaving).  I can still argue as to why I believe Katy Perry is a far superior artist than Miley Cyrus by comparing the songs "Road" and "Wrecking Ball" with academic gusto.

And, yes, I can do Robin Thicke's dance steps in the video of "Blurred Lines."

Over and above all that, I have the wisdom and information of 59 years to tell anyone younger than me that I only wish he can reach my age --- and feel this happy. Because, Sir, that is the biggest blessing you can get from the good Lord. To have lived this long ... and to still have very good reasons for living. And I am thankful.

I have also come to realize why the youth have such an aversion for old age. It is because they are scared. It is because a great number of them cannot imagine themselves any farther than who they are in the here and now.  And a great number of them indeed will not reach old age because they will kill themselves in the process of defining themselves for what they can accumulate in a life purely dedicated to the truth of the moment.

That is sad ... because they can never experience the pleasure of growing old and being old.

I am so thankful to be in the here and now inasmuch as I can never regret growing "old" because not too many have gone this far in the journey that I have taken.

P.S.: The greater the number of candles on the cake, the brighter glows the room.  And that's the truth.


  1. hi Direk, shouldn't it be "nobody is indispensable"?

  2. Belated happy birthday Direk! I'm turning a year older too a few days from now and reading your view in turning older made me feel a bit somber about it. But still, birthdays mean you got to live another year in your life, so that's still something to celebrate, right? :) Have a blessed and great 59th! :)

  3. Super belated happy birthday.. Now it makes me wonder what becomes of us when we become old and golden :(

  4. Alda Yappity would have been so proud, belated HBD sweetie. BTW I'm skinnier than you now so it's my turn to call you DOO-GONG, joke lang. Labs kita, Direk.